Its official. The long, hot summer days that I live for are coming to a close and last week I had to rip my July calendar off the wall in my room to reveal August. My television that has been taking up space on my bedroom floor since I moved out of my dorm in May won’t be such a nuisance much longer. My time spent with my family, cooking new foods, working at school, and running will instead be spent doing homework, studying, and stressing out over things that don’t really matter.
Maybe that is why I cringe at the thought of going back to school. With school comes a lot of pressure that I put on myself. It’s fear of failure and not understanding that backs me into a corner worse than a murderer with a knife.
I also hate leaving my family and my home. I am accepted and loved at home, and there is nothing that I can do that would change that. I am safe there and I don’t have to explain myself because they already know where I have been and what I have done. Also, my church is my extended family, and not being in attendance for weeks at a time breaks my heart and sometimes my spirit.
I love where I go to school now, though. I have good friends who I can depend on and who want to be my friends as much as I want to be theirs. I have had good professors who take extra time out of their schedules to help their students succeed. I love going to chapel on Thursday mornings to sing and listen to other students praise God in all his glory even though they are failing a class and cannot pay their own tuition.
So as I prepare to leave home and move back to school in a couple of weeks, I need to pull my strength from something much bigger than myself. There are so many positive aspects about moving back to school, but I seem to focus more on what I am afraid of. Part of living a balanced life is knowing what your priorities are, and what needs to come first. No matter where I am, home or away, hills or valleys, my prayer is that I remember who I can always find rest in. That is the only way that I will make it to the other side. ❤