Why Graduation Actually Sucks

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Three weeks. As I sit and look at my calendar filled with deadlines and scheduled events, I am sad to see how short it is. I am used to always planning ahead for the next month to make sure I keep up with all of my homework, but I am slowly running out of assignments…

Instead of an exciting countdown to graduation, I feel like I’ve been given one month to live.

I didn’t anticipate feeling like this. Graduation is meant to be exciting. I almost wish I had senioritis, but instead I find something everyday that makes me fall in love with Bluffton all over again. I will have a great class that challenges my beliefs, get a hug from a friend, help out a freshman, or meet someone new. Every time it happens, my heart leaps to my throat because everything is almost over.

Graduation means saying goodbye to all of the people around you, not just your friends. I am realizing now that I have not done the best job at reaching out to others and letting people know that I think they are important. I want people to know that I love them, even if I have no reason to, just because.

As for my friends, will I ever see them again after graduation? Once handed our diploma, we will all scatter to the far corners of the country into our own little worlds. We could stay in touch over Facebook and say, “Oh we should get together sometime!” but will we? Will we make time to reminisce about our memories of Luke’s, intramurals, Denny’s runs, and other late night adventures? Or just live like it was all a dream?

My Fab Five dietetics girls. How can I manage without you!? We’ve been through everything together, from O Chem to MNT to that terrible Research class where we do nothing. From 5am soup making to midnight Shoker parties. You have put up with me for the past 4 years, and I will miss you so much. I wish you all the best, and I cant wait to see how you grow and chase your dreams after college. Somebody had better hurry up and get married so that we can have a reunion! I’ll start saving for a plane ticket to Nigeria…

Graduating means that Bluffton will change and move on without me. Policies and students will change and it wont take long for it to become unfamiliar once again. I wont get to watch the juniors, who I have become so close with, move through their own senior years and internship processes. I want to be there for them to cheer them on through the hard times, letting them know that they will be okay. I can only hope that we as seniors have set a good example for them, and that they surpass us in our own achievements.They have so much potential and I am so thankful that I have gotten to spend this little bit of time getting to know and love all the underclassman.

My professors. All of them at one point have pushed me to the brink of pissed or amazed. They have challenged me mentally and spiritually, with hours of homework, labs, assignments, clinicals, calculations and exams. But they know me and care about my life and my goals. They ask me about my plans after school or about my family. All of them helped to shape the person I am now and have opened up new realms of thinking that I wouldn’t have explored without them.

Graduating sucks because now I am expected to know what I’m doing. To have all my crap together and “adult”. With my internship in Washington, I will have to pay rent for the first time in my life. It doesn’t scare me, but I guess I never thought about living on my own until now. It will be cool, but also very different. I’ll miss the community of campus, even if I did hermit in my room 70% of the time I wasn’t in class. I anticipate feeling really lonely once I graduate. I guess that explains why a lot of people get a cat after they get their own place.

Graduation sucks because I’m scared. I’m scared because I am going to lose everything that I have in this very moment. My friends will  not be down the hall. I’ll lose this small bubble that I’ve grown quite comfortable in and have to move into the next chapter of my life, even if I really don’t want to open it yet.

So I dedicate these last few weeks to cherishing friendships and my last pieces of college life. To not rush through things and appreciate my last classes, time with professors, eating Marbeck meals, and only having to worry about minuscule things. Change is inevitable in life, its just hard to except when you have to leave something you love so much.

 

 

 

 

 

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